The Cause for the Pause

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I’m back!

Been a crazy few weeks for me here and Justin gave me some advice which I gladly took. I was feeling very overwhelmed with my lot in life and he said “Sometimes you just have to step off the escalator, watch it speed past for awhile, gather your thoughts, gain some perspective, and then jump back on there again”.

So here I am , jumping back into the ‘frantic-ness’ of my life.

Firstly, I have a confession to make. The reason for my poor health is because I am Pregnant!
Secondly, the reason for my poor health is that I was not taking the news so well. This will be my 4th baby, and it took me somewhat by surprise. We had pretty much decided that 3 would be it. I was loving how everything was cruising along, I was in good shape, I was happy working, Holly was starting school and we had a big holiday planned for September while minding my neice for 6 weeks. Seeing that little blue line on the pregnancy tester that indicated positive meant that everything in my world was going to change. I didn’t take it very well. Ask Rach – I was a mess.

So the past few weeks have been a rocky time for me emotionally and physically. I’ve been feeling unwell with monring sickness and feeling crazy with mixed emotions. Basically I thought that I was insane, because I dreaded that people might think that I didn’t want this baby, but at the same time, I just didn’t want to be pregnant right now.

So I’ve worked through a lot of these issues and I started to tell people about the baby. Once I began to let go of the fact that nothing was going to change this situation and come September I would have another child, I began to feel much better about it. In fact I am getting rather excited about it. Today, Rach took me to have an ultrasound. It was the best thing I could have done. To see that little baby, all 2.58cm of it, heart beating rapidly, squirming around, bought a tear to my eye. I connected with it and said a little “hi baby” and now I just cannot wait to hold it in arms and kiss it’s little nose.

Nine weeks down, 31 to go. I’m going to be a mummy and I couldn’t be more thrilled.